Obey

There is certainly something to be said for pulling yourself together on those days when you can barely bring yourself to get out of bed. I had one such morning a few hours ago. I set my alarm for 7 am, planning on spending a few hours working on my outline for my practice essay tonight in Bar Strategies before working out and enjoying a cup of coffee on my porch. Guess which of those happened. If you guessed none, you would be right.

My alarm clock is one of those dawn simulators. I set it for 7 am, for example, and a half hour (or 15 minutes, 60 minutes, or 90 minutes, whichever I set) beforehand, the light function starts to brighten, and at 7, it is fully bright and the sound function (a gentle beep) starts and grows progressively louder. I can hold down the dimmer light as far as I want, and that functions as "snooze," giving me another 9 minutes of admittedly crappy sleep. This morning, however, I just kept "hitting snooze" for an hour, until a knock at the door startled me awake. I had put in a maintenance request for the shower rod that jumped out of the drywall Sunday night and attacked me, so I thought it was the maintenance guy. It was, but he was just there to let me know he would be shutting off the water for several minutes. I quizzed him on the status of getting my shower rod fixed, because I was pretty much still asleep and focused intently on the possibility of taking a shower without dampening everything within 3 feet of the tub. He said he would be back in the evening to take care of it. I closed the door and went back to bed.

I woke up intermittently until 10:30, when I said to myself, "Self, you need to get it together. Out of bed now. There is stuff to do." Myself objected and decided a better idea was to stay in bed and cuddle with Mulder, who was asleep with his head on my arm. So I did. Finally I announced to Mulder that we needed to rally and I had to shower and make myself presentable.

I enjoyed what was hopefully my last shower with the water directed as far away from the open side as possible, which meant I was pretty much against the wall, dried my hair, and dressed in what I felt was a good outfit. I had it in my mind I wanted to wear a grey J. Crew top I have not yet worn. It has a small pattern, but it was subtle enough I decided to pair it with a (also J. Crew) skirt with a coral on peach floral pattern, topped with a light coral cardigan, which I belted. Feeling pretty pleased with my pattern mixing but still very sluggish, I promised myself a stop at Lux, my neighborhood hispter coffee joint, on my way to class. I trotted into Lux even earned a compliment from the girl I gave my order to on my outfit. "Yay, me!" I said to myself. When my red eye was ready, I snagged a date oat bar and trotted out the door and promptly sloshed the coffee all down the front of my snappy cardi, but did not realize this until I got to my classroom. In the intervening moments, I had three conversations with different people, the entire time with yet-unknown coffee on my shoulder down to my hip. What I HAD noticed, however, was that the lining of my skirt kept slipping out and remained visible no matter how much readjusting I did. By the time I sat down and saw the coffee I had been wearing, I was feeling much less impressed with myself. I went to the bathroom and removed the cardi and belt and then I spent an hour wearing two patterns right next to each other with nothing separating the two, and in a skirt I feel is much too low on my hips to look appropriate with a blouse tucked in. And then I got too cold and added the cardi back, but now I'm wearing coffee. And I want a Diet Coke. And a nap.

What I'm trying to say is, I was going to take a picture of my cute little outfit, but now I just want to go home and put on my yoga pants and tee shirt. There's something to say for making yourself lovely for the day even when you don't feel like it. But there are also days when the universe wants you to slum it, and there's nothing shameful in obeying the universe. See you soon, stretchy cotton blends.

I guess it's Superbowl Sunday, or something.

I only care AT ALL because the Steelers are there, and if you know me, you know I hate the Steelers. I don't care who is playing them, I want that team to win. So today, I am a Packers fan, but I'm wearing orange, because I'm really a Browns fan. I bleed orange, is what I mean. So hopefully by the time you read this, the Steelers will have lost. If not, my television set is in danger of being thrown out the window. The only reason I probably won't actually give it the heave-ho is A) if Packers win, or B) because Glee is on right after, and I need my television set for that.

Ok, that's definitely enough football talk on this blog. We need to talk about horses!

I went to the Sun Circuit Quarter Horse Show today. It was the last day, so things were kind of winding down, but I watched a couple of talented amateur working cow horse teams and amateur reiners, and then got my required dose of Hunt Seat. Most importantly, Brady let me drag him along and then asked questions about what we were watching. The last show he saw was almost a year ago, the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show, and can I just say I am impressed with how much he has learned in the past year.

This was after I delivered my lecture on the importance of braiding tails in hunter classes..

My parents came with, too, so it was even more fun. To be honest, my dad knows more about the cow classes than I do, because he spends a lot of time with the western trainers at our barn. On the other hand, he's also supposed to know a lot about driving, but he still got us parked in the parking lot for the WM Open and then tried to make us walk the opposite direction to get back to the Jeep. It's easy at this point to blame it on age, you know?

Oh, well, I love him anyway. Here we are in front of the Hunt Seat Equitation 11 & Over class. I really enjoyed watching the hunter classes - it made me realize Sunny is actually doing better than I give him credit for. I'm going to need to show off post some pics of that guy.

Instead of re-writing the beginning of this blog, I'm just going to tell you that the Superbowl ended. Congratulations, tv, you live to see another day.

I'll leave you with a picture of me and my favorite co-picturee.

 I never look this tall with anyone else! My dad told her to stand up in pictures. We're the worst. But we do it out of love.

I think it's time to scrounge up some food. Yay, Packers, for today!

Checking In

Oh, this thing! I didn't mean to disappear, I promise. I just couldn't think of anything to say. It's been pretty busy at Chez la P.I. For one thing, I'm settling in at my internship and LOVING it. Not even be sarcastic. I love what I am doing, and I hope I get to keep doing it. Classes have started, too, and I only have two classes on T/Th, both of which are pass/fail, which means... no finals! No participation, no studying, no briefing. It's awesome. You would think that would keep my schedule pretty open, but you would be wrong. I work all day Mondays and Wednesdays. I got up at 6, got home at 6 12 hours later, and wanted to crash, but instead I want to Boyfriend's parents' house, got In-N-Out, and then just about fell asleep on the couch. This weekend, like I described to a friend earlier, seemed to disappear before my eyes. It was like, I woke up Friday, wrote my weekend to-do list, and then closed my eyes and it was Sunday night. I don't even know what happened. Then, Boyfriend is coming down with something making him miserable. I'm tired, he's sniffly. We're not the super attractive couple we usually are.

And how about everyone's New Year's resolutions? Still going to the gym? Washing the dishes every night? I can't decide if I've been good or not. I said I was going to be nicer to everyone, and Boyfriend actually mentioned that he thinks I'm nicer than I think I am to other people. This was provoked by an incident at Anthro in the fitting room. I grabbed two items out of the sale room and combined them to try then on, and when I walked out of my room to check myself in the three-way mirror, two SAs and a fellow customer exclaimed over how cute it looked. Before I left, the customer asked my advice on a cardigan to go with a dress she was considering. I pointed out something I had seen, and she went off to check it out. One of the SAs complimented my style and told me I should apply for a job there. I told her I might take that up with her after the bar exam! It's weird, but that just made my day. It was an exchange with people I don't know and did not result in trauma that frightens me back to my apartment.

It made me realize that it isn't so much that I am NOT nice - it's that I don't try to be nice. And that isn't because I am mean - it's because I feel like I could say something to someone, and it could turn out well, like in the incident at Anthro, or it could result in some stranger thinking I am weird and who is this strange curly-haired girl talking to her and then I would feel awkward, and I am positive the latter is the more likely result. Boyfriend says I need to give myself more credit. Which is what I am working on. So, obviously, I'm struggling with my first and second resolution (Realize that if people don't think I am amazing and smart and awesome, it's okay) and my third (Be more open to failing). The third is probably something that will take an Eat, Pray, Love-style journey, because I just don't see that happening. I'm failing at being okay with failing, and AUGH!! I don't like this resolution. I might redact it.

What else. Oh, number four, "Reduce." Haha. Opposite. I went a bit spending crazy, but I put a quash on that. I'm on a no clothes-shopping fast for a month, starting yesterday, except for one thing: a blue short-sleeved or sleeveless top. I know exactly what I am looking for, and the only thing I can buy is THAT top. BUT! I do have a pile of clothes that I am donating, so there's that!

Finally, cooking. I have been! Last week I made a bean salad that is STILL in my fridge. It was so much food, and I've slowly been working on it. Boyfriend and I also made lemon-y tortellini last week. There's very little chance of me cooking on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Tuesdays and Thursdays are more manageable. Hopefully I can keep this up. The next thing I am making (maybe Thursday) is chicken and dumplings, which I have never made before, and which Boyfriend has never had before, so it should be something to write about.

Other than that (right!) not much else is going on. I don't feel like I usually do at the start of the semester, which is like everything is already getting ahead of me and I'm struggling to keep up. Instead, I just feel busy, but not with school. Just with getting dressed and being where I need to be. Anyone else ever get that feeling?

Happy New Year, Finally!

Oh, hi! So does anyone else feel like the holiday season was a hurricane, requiring mad rushes to crowded grocery stores for staples (eggs, sugar, and rum, obvs), stocking up on supplies (gift tags and clothing gift boxes), battening down the hatches (we put a small pet fence around our tree to protect it from the hooligans who run our house), and then three days of recovery and clean up? Was that just me? Did I lose you with that terrible analogy? Sorry, I’m still pulling myself together after the madness.

In light of how crazy my life became and the record-number of cry-fests I hit, I took some time (last night, when I couldn’t sleep for anything in the world) to evaluate the previous year. It had its ups and downs, but unfortunately, the fall semester grades tend to come out right at the end of the year, so in general, I’m in a pretty bad mood around resolution time that makes me a bit more cynical and… grumpy, I guess, about the previous year. Ok, it’s not that I get bad grades. I just have to say that. It’s just that no matter what grades I get, there is bound to be one that upsets me, because it wasn’t what I expected. This semester had a few of those. And it’s not that I’m disappointed in the grade, necessarily, but I’m disappointed in myself.

And that kind of leads in to my resolutions.

1.      Be nicer to everyone, but especially myself. I am a very critical person, and the person who bears the brunt of that is always me. One piece of bad news, and I start blaming myself, picking on little ways that bad news is my fault. It’s a hard way to live, and it results in too many wrinkles, break outs, and uncontrollable sobbing that terrifies both the dog and the Boyfriend. It also means that I have to make choices that benefit myself, and not always someone else: work out even when I am busy, eat better, have some alone time, etc. A lot of mini resolutions, really. But they all come down to “be nice to myself.” I have already begun implementing this: it's why I went ahead and took a week to write a new year's post. Because I needed to sleep, you guys.

2.      Realize that if people don’t think I am amazing and smart and awesome, it’s ok. I don’t know how this is going to work out, because just writing that made me want to puke. We’ll see.

3.      Be more open to failing. That means not putting so much pressure on myself to be “perfect” all the time. This ties in with number 2, but has more to do with my perception of myself than how other perceive me, or how I perceive other perceive me. I always avoid any situations where I lack confidence because I am terrified of not rising to my standards, and that means that when I have to be in those situations, I am a basket case. It’s not fun for anybody, because “basket case” for me usually means not talking to anyone and living in constant fear that I am about to do something really stupid in the next two minutes in front of everyone. I need to believe that even if people think I said something dumb, and even if I fall on my face, my life will go on. (Yikes, this resolution is scary, too.)

4.      Reduce. Ahhhhh. I can handle this. Buy less, purge more. This is going to be a tight year, with graduating, bar studying, and then job searching, and I need to be cognizant of that. That means no more “oh, that’s cute, and like 75% off! Add to shopping cart!” Anything I buy I have to lovelovelove, and needneedneed. I’m going to make a shopping list of things I am allowed to buy (I need another pair of dress pants for ‘work,’ for example), and then I am going to stick to that list. I’m also going to try this “thrifting” thing. It sounds fun, and much more budget friendly.

5.      Cook more. I tend to let the stress and mountains of things to do get to me and scare me away from taking the time to put something together, and the next thing I know I’m in the In-N-Out drive thru. I looked in my fridge last night and realized there I absolutely nothing in there for cooking from scratch, unless it’s scratch grilled cheese sandwiches. Unacceptable. I am the proud owner of an immersion blender for crying out loud. This year I will get it together and cook dinner at home.

Whew! That seemed unmanageable on Monday. Resolutions are not something to be dealt with in the beginning of the week. They’re more of a Thursday kind of thing, right? The beginning of the week requires more easily tackled projects, like baseboard cleaning and vacuuming the stairs and organizing the closet. Ok, that might just be me, too.

What are your resolutions this year?

Post 30-for-30 Catch Up

30 for 30 has been over for a while, and now that I am almost completely recovered from my virus, I have had time to reflect on my experience. This questionnaire was floating around the World Wide Webs, so I thought I would use it to explain all my epiphanies to you, since you aren’t lucky enough to live in my brain.

1.     Why did you decide to do the 30 for 30 challenge? I had just moved out of an apartment that was the source of much grief in my life, and I was feeling really ambitious when the challenge was announced. Also, I know I buy too many clothes, and the month-long shopping fast seemed like something I needed to do. Really, I think I was “leaving the hell hole” high I was on. I like to over extend myself a lot.

2.     What was your favorite outfit that you remixed? Day 11 I wore something that didn’t really feel like an Annie outfit, but it was comfortable. I delivered my closing argument in it, as defense counsel. My client was pleading self defense in a murder charge, based on her history as a domestic violence victim. The general consensus was that my outfit helped make my case – the black pants were tailored and professional, and though the cardi had clean lines, it was soft and feminine. I learned about how your outfit represents your client – presenting an innocent appearance to the jury reminded them that my client is a small, delicate lady who would not have shot her husband except that her life was in danger. The softness of the cardi helped convey my client’s innocence. As far as outfits go, I didn’t really like it, but it taught me an important lesson in the practice of law. Who would have thought law school would teach fashion lessons!

As far as the actual outfit goes, I think I liked Day 26, the polka dot blouse from H&M under my yellow cardi. I think it was a unique take on the buffalo check under a cardi. I liked it, and I think it’s an outfit I’ll wear again.

3.     What was your least favorite outfit that you remixed? To be honest, there were a few of them. I regularly went the safe route, sometimes out of exhaustion and sometimes because I had certainly not put a lot of time into picking my clothes for the challenge. Any outfit where I put one top with a pair of pants is a disappointment for me.

4.      What was the hardest part of the challenge? Not shopping was surprisingly easy. The hardest part was working with my poor choices. I had SO many blue tops. It started making me, well, blue.

5.     What was the best part of the challenge? Having a good excuse not to shop for 30 days. My credit card definitely enjoyed the vacation.

6.     Are there any items in your 30 that you regret including? There are a couple pairs of pants I never wore because I didn’t get them hemmed in time, and a dress I never wore. I only needed one dress that could be gussied up, since I didn’t do anything during those 30 days but go to class and occasionally dinner with my parents, and they aren’t fancy people. By the time I realized they weren’t going to see any Challenge play, it was so far into the challenge and I had already not even gotten dressed so many days that it didn’t seem worth it to replace them.

7.     Did you cheat during the challenge? I think the only way I cheated was by not really putting in the effort a few days. A couple days I repeated the outfit, and I definitely wore outfits I had worn in real life before. Also, there were handfuls of days when I didn’t even get dressed in anything but yoga pants and sweatshirts, thanks to being sick and not having class.

8.     Do you think your shopping habits will change at all after this? Definitely.  Of course, immediately after the challenge I went on a post-30 for 30 Challenge spree. But I definitely chose discriminatorily, thinking about the different ways I could wear one thing. I also felt the need to supplement all the blue and black in my closet. I have so many “safe” pieces in my closet, and even putting them all together didn’t make them anymore creative-looking. My new pink suede platform heels will help with that!

9.     Any advice for future remixers? Not only pick versatile pieces, but shop for versatile pieces. I am working on finding things that are unique, but not stand alone. Like a long sleeved top is basic, but with pintucking and sequins, it’s interesting, too! Also, have some outfits in mind when you pick your items for the challenge. When I went through my closet, I had LITERALLY (in the proper sense of the word) moved my entire closet it and pulled out pieces as I was organizing.  It did not work out well. I put no thought into what I was picking except “Oh, I like this shirt. I haven’t worn this skirt yet. Hm, I bought this? You’re in!”

10.  Would you do another 30 for 30 challenge in the future? Absolutely. I can’t wait to give it another go – better picks, more effort. I can’t wait to rectify myself in the 30 for 30 culture!

11.  What would you do differently next challenge? Whoops. I hate when I already answer something in an earlier challenge. Well, as I said, I would be more discerning in my picks for the challenge, and I would try not to get sick, rendering my interest in looking appropriate absolutely null.

12.  What did you learn from the challenge? Shop for versatility, and invest in more accessories. They can definitely change the look of a piece. I also learned that it is possible to dress with a smaller wardrobe. I also learned I need to go through my closet and get rid of things I don’t remember buying or haven’t worn or things I just don’t like anymore. I can think of two dresses that I don’t want to wear ever because I don’t like the fit. They’re out.

I’m happy to say that right after the challenge, I had my trial. I think my trial wear was a bit stuffy, but whatever, I looked good. (That’s my mantra when I can’t turn back time and re-do something. Acceptance with a dash of denial!) I also only had partial hearing and my voice went in and out, but my feedback from my jury full of lawyers was really positive and made me feel better about my life choice. It’s always a good day when I don’t go home crying wondering what the hell I’m doing in law school. Yes, that has happened. Less frequently since 1L year, but still, it happens sometimes.

Also, I sent in that AWR at 3 am on Saturday morning, went to bed for 5 hours and got up because I was SO excited to start my Christmas vacation. I spent the whole day shopping for Christmas craft supplies, crafting, and shopping for my childhood bff’s aborable baby toddler’s birthday. As my honorary niece, she received a toy Quarter Horse foal with a blanket and halter and all kinds of choking hazards her mother will have to hide from her. I can’t wait till she’s old enough for one of the favorite gifts I have ever received – Thelwell books. English humor, hilariously proportioned ponies, and equestrian witticisms? I think it’s safe to say Thelwell made me the person I am today. I am so excited to have a part in instilling a love of horses and a sense of humor in a little person, especially when that little person belongs to one of my favorite ladies in the whole world, and who I can enjoy for a couple of hours and then leave when she gets cranky. I can’t say I blame her. Boyfriend has definitely witnessed my “I’m SO TIRED” breakdowns, and I’m 26. Still. It’s fortunate for my sanity that Mulder fulfills my very small maternal instinct.

Welp. That’s pretty much what’s been going on. Boyfriend is going to take and post pictures of the Christmas décor at casa de Anniekins, after I tell him to do it. We’re sitting around enjoying the rain (!!!!) and watching episode after episode of 30 Rock. Oh Baby Jesus, I love Christmas break. It almost makes 4-months without a weekend worth it. 

Yeah, About That

You know how I declared myself "Alive and Walking Around"? Well, that ended Saturday, as I lost the fight to the virus I've been battling since Boyfriend brought it home from Nebraska after Thanksgiving. Thanks for nothing, Boyfriend. So after a week of attending to him, I proceeded to spend 16 hours on the couch, drinking Nyquil and coughing and sneezing and whining about the failure of my breathing passages.

I did get dressed on Saturday, though, for a meeting with opposing counsel. I wore the same jeans as in my last outfit, with my Breezy Polks cardi (red, for the Nebraska game, which they proceeded to lose!). Then I came home and before I could even think of snapping a picture, changed into hot pink polka dot pajama pants and a Nebraska hoodie for my extended nap on said couch.

Today I am still in those polka dot pajama pants, but now I am sitting up, drinking earl grey + cinnamon + ginger root, working on my AWR. I feel like I am writing in English, so that's good!

Speaking of English, Boyfriend had his third riding lesson and he cantered! I am sad to say I missed it, because when he left for his lesson, I was not yet at the point of breathing on my own as well as I believe I should be. But I am very proud. Next step is to throw him on my horse and see how well he does figuring out which lead Sonny would like to use that day! It's good to challenge ourselves.

I hope to get dressed tomorrow. I need to finish the challenge on a good note!

Day 26: Alive and Walking Around

Barely. It's finals time at Casa de Smartypants, which means my brain does funny things. Like yesterday, in the shower, I thought, "Oh my god, my mom's birthday was yesterday! I forgot all about it! I am the worst daughter ever!" I jumped out of the shower and checked the date on my phone. Sure enough, it was December second. Good thing my mom's birthday was last month, and I got her leaf-shaped pie cutters and went out to dinner with her. Way to be on top of it, brain.

Other than that, there's been a whole lot of AWR and take-homes writing. This is my first semester where I don't have any in-class finals, except for my trial. It's very weird. I never even had take-homes in undergrad. I almost don't know what to think about them. I still have one take-home left, and my trial is Wednesday, and there's that AWR.

There's also been a lot of sneezing, coughing, and moaning about sore throats. That translates to not a lot of getting dressed, because there isn't anywhere I have to be that requires wearing, like, not pajamas. And I have been taking advantage of that. There are even clothes in my 30 for 30 section of the closet that I haven't worn yet because I haven't been getting dressed very much! Crazy!

Tonight, though, I went out to dinner with my parents. We went to my dad's favorite Mexican restaurant, but I wasn't hungry, so I drank more than I ate (but I still didn't turn down dessert, because I'm not, like, dead or anything).

I seriously only had two mojitos, you guys. I think it's the fatigue that puts me over the edge, though.

I don't know. I have to blame it on something.

I think I look like a gangster here, right? I'm like, "Yo, 'sup." See? Gangster. Whatever, you guys.

Cardi: J. Crew

Top: H&M

Tank: Old Navy

Jeans: NYC Blank

Shoes: Banana Republic

Necklace: J. Crew

Earrings: Kenneth Cole, via Nordstrom

Belt: snagged from a dress in my closet

Oh, look, one picture where I do not look like a total ham or a deformed lush. (Every shot of my left side looked like my right elbow is, like, grotesquely deformed. I performed a thorough inspection, though, and my elbows seem to be approximately the same size. I blame the camera man, Boyfriend.)

Only four more days left! My outfit tomorrow will also have to be in accordance with the Saturday dress code, ie., red. No worries, I have a red cardigan! After that, I'm gonna try to get dressed Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, too, and I'm gonna try to wear stuff I haven't worn yet, but there will be two pairs of pants that never got worn, because I couldn't get them hemmed in time, plus a dress. I probably should have just replaced them, but oh well. I survived just fine on 27 for 30. 

This challenge ends just in time, because I don't think I could have constructed an appropriate court outfit for trial. There are just some things that require a devoted outfit. Things that determine my grade are one of those things.